I’ve noticed a lot that whenever a black woman speaks her mind on the internet or in the public sphere about some social justice issue or a controversial opinion, trolls and even normal people flock in their masses to belittle their opinion. View Post
Last Tuesday I attended the Scarlet Ladies event Talk of The Town: Sex Without Stigma and I was pleasantly surprised. The event was held in a beautiful venue in East London which felt like a vintage living room where glamorous ladies would come together and chat about their woes. Except it was 2017 and sex positive chat only.
Scarlet Ladies are all about growing in confidence, loving their bodies, and living boldly without fear or shame. They are a peer-to-peer network with an aim to empower women to understand and own their sexuality. It was an honour to be invited down and be apart of this great community they have built.
I enjoy talking about taboo subjects. I like gaining new perspectives and altering my own. But I was surprised at this event. I was wrong, sex is not a taboo subject. The ladies at this event made me realise that sex is a essential part of our identities and although it manifests in various ways for different people, it is completely normal and not a taboo subject at all.
When you hear about sex positivity, it is normally watered down or has undertones of patriarchy in it and it doesn’t really get discussed as a fully-fledged topic. In mainstream media, in my opinion, female sexuality is still very much a stigmatized subject.
At Talk of the Town: Sex Without Stigma, women came together from all ages and discussed their sexual experiences. With discussion we were able to give our own contributions and hear our views on a subject in contrast to others. Talking about sex in an open environment free from any judgment and condemnation was a chance to gain an insight into the different ideas and attitudes from a variety of women. We discussed different ways that one can be more conscious of their sexual self-hood.
It was hosted by the wonderful Alix Fox and the event centered around alternative sexuality where we discussed kink, orgasmic meditation and tantric sex. A view that I found interesting was that if women go out unknowingly into the world to explore their sexuality without any guidance or familiarity they may be open to the danger of being exploited and violated. However, with proper and adequate education and information women can be equipped with the knowledge to express themselves without risk or endangerment.
Where do we receive proper education on female sexuality? We don’t see it in porn. We don’t learn about it in school. This is why groups such as Scarlet Ladies are invaluable.
What enabled such open and candid discussion was the fact that this was a safe place. We were all free and despite coming from different backgrounds and having different characters; everyone and the panelists were receptive and sincere. This is definitely not the kind of honest discourse you’ll find on your Twitter timeline haha. Although I came by myself, I was made to feel so comfortable and left with some new gal pals. There’s nothing I love more than head strong women who know what they like and want and own their identities.
What I learnt was that there is definitely not one way to discuss sex; there is not one right form of sex; people are free to express their sexual identities in whatever way they choose. Not only is speaking about and actually discussing the subject with fellow women insightful it also leaves you feeling empowered. I left with a new attitude and view on the norms that we accept in society. We as individuals are free to reclaim our sexual identities and express them in any form that we wish.
CONSENSUAL SEX ONLY AND NOTHING ILLEGAL – (because people still don’t know this)
They currently have 75% off your first 3 months‘ membership if you join by 30th June. Check out their membership and what it includes and definitely head down to one of their events! Their next one is on the 21st June and if you can’t make it but like the sound of these events tell a friend to tell a friend.
I just really want all my gal pals to check out Scarlet Ladies, the talks and community that they provide. We are now in a time and generation where women want ownership of our bodies, we are forward-thinking, we are feminists and we are powerful. Scarlet Ladies have created a community where women like us can exist. We can be empowered and empower others. The future is female. #talkFIERCE
*disclaimer – I was not paid for this post. All views are honest and my own*
I’ve been stuck in a rut recently where I’ve been going to gym and it feels like a chore. In order to motivate myself I came up with some reasons to work out that have nothing to do with how you look. I don’t really care about having that perfect summer body because my summer body is my all-year body and I’m happy with that. I don’t want that to be my only motivation to go to the gym because working out is very important for the general health of your body and six-packs and biceps can’t be all that it’s about right? Keep reading for my top 5 reasons to go to the gym that have nothing to do with how you look.
Working out is a way to set challenges for yourself and a way to compete with a previous version of yourself. Setting targets and working towards them is very good practice for other things in your life like work and personal goals. Also the sense of relief of achieving your goals is a great satisfaction and reward. By making working out into a set of challenges you can become more self-disciplined.
Improves Strength, Stamina and Endurance
Working out can improve you stamina, strength and endurance. Walking up that flight of stairs with time will become much easier and you’ll eventually be able to bring all the grocery bags into the house from the car in one go. Little victories. Also if we continuously work out throughout our life, when we eventually get old (hopefully not for a while) we will be stronger then. Developing good fitness habits can help maintain our health in our old age and keep us healthy at the moment.
Improves Your Mood
Exercising has been known to boost morale and increase your mood. Try working out for 20mins a day and see the difference in how good you feel afterwards. Your body might be in pain but your mind will be on a positive high. IT’s to do with the rush of endorphins in your body and literally makes us joyful. It’s a great stress relief as well and can help to clear your mind and organize your thoughts. Who would’ve thought, exercise, your own personal mental organizer?
Learn About Your Body
You will realise the magnificent things that the body can do. I have gone from only being able to squat 10 reps to being able to squat with a barbell my entire body weight. I was shocked at the progression and realised that over time your body can change can get stronger and can do a lot of things that you wouldn’t realise. If we can give birth to babies imagine what a bit of exercise can do. Knowing that we have the ability to push our bodies to the max is very fulfilling.
Working out is a great way to have some personal time with yourself. Stick on your headphones, maybe a bit of Shakira or Dr Dre, whatever floats your boat, and you are ready to enter your own little world. I feel like going to the gym is the perfect excuse to just have some time to myself and to take a breather from the other priorities in my life. Whether that’s taking a break from your kids or husband, or from studying or a really intense Netflix binge, personal time is important to have. Exercising is a great way to take this time.
So those were 5 reasons to work out that have nothing to do with how you look. Of course, not everyone can go and run mountains or lift weights but that’s the beauty of exercise! You can set your own targets for what suits you and your lifestyle (and let’s not forget that a gym is not a necessity to exercise). A target for one person will not be the same for another. I think that’s why it’s important to work out for reasons that are not just for your physical appearance, because that perfect, “slim-waist, big-booty” or “6-pack, huge biceps” is not attainable for everyone no matter how hard they try.
If you enjoyed reading please leave a comment or message me on Twitter. Do you work out at all? Do you have a particular reason for working out?
It’s my birthday! I’m here with a 22 Things I’ve Learnt In 22 Years post. 22 years old. I remember when I thought 18 was “grown-woman-age”, oh how I was wrong. I feel like I’m reaching that point in your life where birthdays are less exciting and feel more like a day you have to celebrate just to get it over with.
Netflix is one of those things that I will keep paying for but not use enough. I haven’t watched a good series in ages and this is my fault because I binged watch everything there is in two-day periods. However, this new show Dear White People came out and of course I had to watch it.
I had seen the film and that was okay. Not amazing but not terrible. It raised questions and explored necessary racial conversation that needed to be had. I thought the show would just be more of the same but no. It built on the film and we were able to explore the multi-dimensional identity of black people. Honestly, I have never seen so many different types of black people in one show. Normally you get the token black person in a show scripted with all the usual stereotypes and while it’s nice to see some sort of representation it isn’t really relatable. However, it was refreshing to see diversity within a black community and to see how the black experience manifests for each different individual. I could see myself in the show, aspects of my identity could be seen within different characters and I could relate – regardless of various cringey scenes and plot ideas.
I feel like satire is the perfect way to talk about sensitive issues especially in a show that intends to be a comedy. Dear White People manages to appropriately raise important race issues while maintaining an entertaining show – even leaving space to add in a bit of romance. I’m not a tv critic so I’m not even going to judge the quality of the show. But as a passive viewer it was a good watch; the subject matter forces you to form your own opinion on things and actually think about what you agree with. It raises difficult topics and provide multiple viewpoints towards it, which I think is great, enlightening and insightful. Coco is probably my favourite character. She tries to balance wanting to assimilate with accepting her identity despite the complexities of trying to conflate the two. Plus she can read anyone to filth – the shade oh the shade. Shout out to Lionel – you a G, and to Rashid who is hilarious. Also I couldn’t deal with the spoofs of Iyanla and Scandal – hilarious.
I’m also going to dedicate an entire paragraph to how hot everyone in the show was. I’m very grateful for that one ass camera shot of Troy – unexpected but much appreciated . Gabe, you pretty little bearded little hunky thing, he was an interesting character, also a side-man, but hey you can’t have it all. Sam. Very pretty, but also very annoying. Why are main characters always annoying. She reminds me of people who rather than acting on a problem just decide to complain about it and don’t actually bring about any real change. Although her passion for race equality was inspiring and her style was cute.
All in all, go and watch Dear White People. I finished it in a day and I think anybody can appreciate it regardless of race, class, gender etc. If you need a new show to watch, a bit of a giggle or a cheeky gawp at some sexy people, this is the show for you. (I hope a British show exploring the black identity crops up, I think there’s space for it.) The show is not alienating and you could definitely binge-watch it with any of your pals. Not your parents unless you guys are down with awkward sex scenes. Also PS: if you are provoked/offended by the show title – you are who the show is aimed at.
If you’ve watched the show tell me who your favourite character is in the comments section or message me on Twitter. See you in the next post!