The Temporality of Human Connection

With every new transition, move to a new town, entry into a new job, you are saying goodbye to old friends, lovers and colleagues. I’ve increasingly become to realise that you cannot take everyone with you. You can’t have a relationship with every single person you meet. I am identifying temporary relationships all too well. Some people are only supposed to be in your life for a short while. We are only crossing paths – we are not on the same journey.

The emotional hardship that comes when it seems you have “lost” a friend or when the time once spent with a lover begins to dwindle can cause a lot of upset. I feel like this is to do with the perspective most people have when viewing the relationships in their lives. I personally like to create relationships for the long haul – I don’t intend to have half-hearted relations with other human beings.

I want to experience people fully, to connect with them authentically and grow together. However, this way of viewing things is conflicting when it comes to people who are temporary in my life. Of course you cannot identify temporary relationships until they are that and so you can never foresee this. Changing perspective has been very important in dealing with change and change in relationships in particular. I now evaluate relationships with people as having the potential to be great but I also and most importantly evaluate them as having the potential to not last forever. 

Some people you meet in life are not supposed to be permanent fixtures. They are only meant to be in your life for a short while. They may teach you all sorts of life lessons while they are there. Whether these relationships end amicably or terribly, these experiences are all apart of your experience of life and will have a role to play in your future. Some people are only supposed to be in your life temporarily.

Some people who have been temporary in my life, I have had the best time with, I learnt so much about myself, I saw the beauty in other humans, I was so happy to have these people with me. However, that was their purpose for me. Their purpose was to teach me these things, to have me experience these things. All I can do now is look back on those times with joy and sentiment. Some connections with people will result in temporary relationships – we were not supposed to last forever.

A huge part of my way of thinking is that being sad is a waste of time and energy. Why be sad when you can be joyous, you can enjoy the fruits of the earth. Sadness is uncontrollable, but if we can try to restrict what things we give sad energies to, we can lessen the sadness. We should not be sad to lose relationships or friendships. They weren’t meant to last. Don’t crave for a past relationship or lover – they were not meant to be. Realising that some things are not meant to be permanent can spur the need to enjoy things while they last. Live authentically and experience others while they are in your life. Don’t cling on to relationships out of a need to make them last. What is meant to be will be. What is meant to last will last. 


“Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.”

—Emery Allen;


How do you deal with temporary relationships? Did you have a best friend who you no longer speak to? Let me know in the comments or tweet me! x
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How To Be Productive and Work Better

Being productive is not something I excel in. I always try to put as little effort into something as I can. I’m basically a lazy sloth. You know those times when you have an assessment due but instead you decide to binge watch House Of Cards, that happens to me far too often. Hello, I’m Whitney and I’m unproductive. Trying to get out of this rut, I’ve got some handy tips on how to be productive and work better and make the most of your time. The key to productivity is focus. You can do it fellow sloth. We can all do it.

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Photos by Kamo K

Being Lonely: Why Being Alone Isn’t A Bad Thing

I was having a conversation the other day with a friend and she told me that she was spending a lot of time with a boy she didn’t really like. Obviously, I thought that this was odd and wondered why she didn’t just stop wasting her time. She said that she was spending time with him for the company because she was lonely. When she said that I realised so many people spend time with people they don’t really want to because at least they have people around them. I don’t think being by yourself or being lonely is a bad thing; there’s a lot to be learnt in moments of solitude.

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How To Become More Self-Aware With These 5 Steps

I really want to come to terms with how the world is the way it is and why we are the way we are as individuals. Introspection is a skill that I think is so useful in determining our place in this world and how we relate to other people. Having the ability to be deeply aware of your own feelings, emotions, thoughts and perception of yourself is something that I think is integral to leading a life of self-fulfilment and development. Self-awareness is key to unpicking the negativity in our lives, bettering ourselves and leading happier lives. With any form of self-improvement, it takes time and practice to truly see and understand ourselves clearly. If you are interested in how to become more self-aware keep reading and find out my 5 ways of doing so.

Constantly Evaluate Yourself

Throughout the day when you are engaging in thought and carrying out certain actions, evaluate the motivation for them and ask yourself why are you doing them. Explore how you are feeling in each act you are doing or why certain thoughts present themselves in response to any stimuli you’re presented with throughout the day. If you feel stressed at all or down or annoyed, try to find the root of your problem and evaluate why you have been put into these negative moods. Analysing yourself and becoming aware of your behaviours can help to prevent you getting into these moods or can help you make these moods short-lived. You will know what things you dislike and you may not react so negatively in the future.

how to become more self-aware

Don’t Judge Yourself

Whenever you are feeling certain emotions or feelings, express yourself fully and ride the waves of these emotions without judging yourself for doing so. If you are frustrated or jealous even, don’t think to yourself that “I shouldn’t be frustrated”, “being in a bad mood is not good”, “I’m being a party pooper”. Be honest with how you are feeling, come to terms with it and evaluate it in it raw state. Don’t ignore your emotions, face up to them. You will gain a better understanding of the self and you won’t fly off the handle so often or be confused about your feelings. Your emotions and feelings are always valid, just because they may affect others or may not be ideal for a certain situation, it doesn’t mean you should just disregard them. Be honest with yourself.

Change Your Perspective

We all have a perception of things, such as the people around us, situations and events. People also have a perception of us and we have a perception of ourselves. With self-awareness the key is to making the various perceptions of the self equal. How you perceive yourself should match how others perceive you. Through self-reflection and engaging with other people in conversations about each other you can gain a deeper understanding of your inconsistencies and shortcomings. Put yourself into someone else’s shoes and evaluate yourself with a different perspective. What do you see? How do you come across?

Accept Yourself 100%

No matter what you discover on the route to self-awareness you need to accept. This is you. You may find flaws but this is what makes you you. Being able to identify them and make an effort to change them is a great way to develop and improve yourself. We are not perfect and so evaluating ourselves may not always bring about positive conclusions. Again, if you are feeling negative emotions, don’t ignore them or judge yourself, accept it and in time these will occur less and less often. Accepting yourself 100% will provide the perfect environment for you to grow in a healthy way.

how to become more self-aware

Perseverance

Self-awareness is not a finite destination. You can’t give yourself a month to achieve it. It is something you will be consistently and constantly working at. Changing behaviours and thought processes take time and when you find a way to bring about change there will be new ways to improve. The path to self-awareness is a journey, you will learn new things about yourself through all the different interactions, events and situations you find yourself in throughout life. Self-reflection and self-awareness will become second nature to you with time and practice.

I haven’t quite mastered self-awareness but I’m definitely much better at it than I used to be. I feel quite carefree and unstressed in my daily life. Understanding myself more has allowed me to have better and healthier relationships with people and feeling frustrated is a rarity.

Do you think you are self-aware or do you have any tips on how to become more self-aware? Let me know in the comments or over on Twitter.

A great way to take time for yourself and engage in self-reflection is to exercise. Check out my post on it benefits in case you missed it!

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