Why You Cannot Think Negatively of The Past

I feel like I’ve spent a lot of time in the past few year dwelling on sad things, situations I wished didn’t happen and just generally bad experiences. The thing is with time, once it has occurred, you cannot get it back or reverse it. I feel now that I have just been wasting time wanting life to have occurred in an alternative way. When instead, I could have put all of this energy into building myself, a future and creating more positive situations.

negativity the past
Every single moment of your life, even the irrelevant parts, even the worse incidents and situations, have all culminated to make you exactly the person you are today. I don’t know if you watched a lot of Jimmy Neutron when you were younger? (I did) About the time space continuum and how changing one thing in the past would change the future completely. Just like in Back to the Future 2 with Biff and Doc and Marty (great film). But yes similarly, (not to those extremes) the person you are today has come to be because of all your past experiences, relationships and feelings. If you were to change anything in your past, you would not be who you are today.

If perhaps you don’t like the person you are today and you want to change, you can do so by looking towards the future and engaging in critical self-development. The past is not coming back any time soon. If you are at peace with the person you are today and are content with self, continue working on yourself – we are always a work in progress. Wasting time dwelling on the past when it cannot change or add value to your life or current self is not productive and robs you from seeing the beauty of life.

negativity the past
Every failed relationship, toxic relationships, incidents and lowest moments have all played a part in building and moulding us into the people we are today. We can learn something from all of these moments and take lessons from them to become improved versions of ourselves. Don’t let the things that are unchangeable affect the things in life that are changeable. You are a strong person and you have overcome the past to end up in this exact moment. Don’t let your past rob you of a future.

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The Temporality of Human Connection

With every new transition, move to a new town, entry into a new job, you are saying goodbye to old friends, lovers and colleagues. I’ve increasingly become to realise that you cannot take everyone with you. You can’t have a relationship with every single person you meet. I am identifying temporary relationships all too well. Some people are only supposed to be in your life for a short while. We are only crossing paths – we are not on the same journey.

The emotional hardship that comes when it seems you have “lost” a friend or when the time once spent with a lover begins to dwindle can cause a lot of upset. I feel like this is to do with the perspective most people have when viewing the relationships in their lives. I personally like to create relationships for the long haul – I don’t intend to have half-hearted relations with other human beings.

I want to experience people fully, to connect with them authentically and grow together. However, this way of viewing things is conflicting when it comes to people who are temporary in my life. Of course you cannot identify temporary relationships until they are that and so you can never foresee this. Changing perspective has been very important in dealing with change and change in relationships in particular. I now evaluate relationships with people as having the potential to be great but I also and most importantly evaluate them as having the potential to not last forever. 

Some people you meet in life are not supposed to be permanent fixtures. They are only meant to be in your life for a short while. They may teach you all sorts of life lessons while they are there. Whether these relationships end amicably or terribly, these experiences are all apart of your experience of life and will have a role to play in your future. Some people are only supposed to be in your life temporarily.

Some people who have been temporary in my life, I have had the best time with, I learnt so much about myself, I saw the beauty in other humans, I was so happy to have these people with me. However, that was their purpose for me. Their purpose was to teach me these things, to have me experience these things. All I can do now is look back on those times with joy and sentiment. Some connections with people will result in temporary relationships – we were not supposed to last forever.

A huge part of my way of thinking is that being sad is a waste of time and energy. Why be sad when you can be joyous, you can enjoy the fruits of the earth. Sadness is uncontrollable, but if we can try to restrict what things we give sad energies to, we can lessen the sadness. We should not be sad to lose relationships or friendships. They weren’t meant to last. Don’t crave for a past relationship or lover – they were not meant to be. Realising that some things are not meant to be permanent can spur the need to enjoy things while they last. Live authentically and experience others while they are in your life. Don’t cling on to relationships out of a need to make them last. What is meant to be will be. What is meant to last will last. 


“Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.”

—Emery Allen;


How do you deal with temporary relationships? Did you have a best friend who you no longer speak to? Let me know in the comments or tweet me! x
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How To Be Productive and Work Better

Being productive is not something I excel in. I always try to put as little effort into something as I can. I’m basically a lazy sloth. You know those times when you have an assessment due but instead you decide to binge watch House Of Cards, that happens to me far too often. Hello, I’m Whitney and I’m unproductive. Trying to get out of this rut, I’ve got some handy tips on how to be productive and work better and make the most of your time. The key to productivity is focus. You can do it fellow sloth. We can all do it.

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Photos by Kamo K